For as long as I can remember, I have always grappled with my authenticity as a writer. Why? You might wonder. Well, it is because I am not the sort of writer who writes consistently. I am more like the rain, effective when it appears but not constantly pouring down. I even joke with my cousin and say I am a writer who does not write. I live with characters constantly but sometimes they do not get written until years after I have met them. Does it make me not a writer? Am I a fraud?
To validate myself, I applied for a Masters in Creative Writing and for the first time, I found something I loved to do. But I graduated and life happened and I have not written in over a year. Am I a writer? Or a fraud? But I have a certificate that says I am a writer, a very good one too. Is it all a lie? Am I not a writer?
Then there is the constant barrage of criticism from the outside world. How can you not write? Don’t creatives process the world through their art? You have a whole degree, why waste it? I defended myself, explained myself or ignored it but still it persists, the nagging question. Am I a writer?
I stumbled on a comment on YouTube about creating that made me feel so seen and comforted.
“Like everybody else I grew up on the advice that if you’re not writing consistently on a schedule, you’re not a ‘real writer’ and as someone who would leave projects unfinished and sometimes go years without feeling drawn to write again, I decided I was probably a fraud. But recently I was looking back at a story I started 2 years ago that I loved but could never figure out how to complete. I suddenly realised that the emotional arc was the very thing I had been processing in my real life, and I couldn’t have written it for the characters without first experiencing that growth myself. Anyway, I wish we could be kinder about the gaps that come with creativity. Taking time away from something is not a failure but often a necessary step in the creative process.”
My favorite story that I have ever written took me 6 years. I had the story in my head, I had the characters and for 6 years, they stayed with me. When I finally put it on paper, it became the best work I have ever written. Maybe I had to resolve the emotional arc, maybe I needed to understand despair to put it in writing. Whatever it was, time only strengthened it.
Writers are not a monolith. Some of us reflect on the page while others reflect in our minds then translate it on the page. There is no right or wrong way.
A writer is someone who writes and moves other people with their words. I have written stories that have moved people to tears, written articles that have inspired a change of character, written poems that have evoked memories of a time forgotten so how could I not be a writer?
Writers write and whether I write now, or in 3 years or even if I never write again, I am a writer. I always will be.
Keep creating, keep reflecting, keep being
- Ayo
